hey everyone. first, i just want to thank you all for your sweet concern and comments checking in to see if im ok. originally, we thought that once i had these tests done, i could rest assured in knowing what was wrong with me, that i was going to be ok, and could move on with everyday life. it has been quite the opposite these past couple of weeks. it turns out, that now that i know what is wrong, and that i can pass out so quickly without warning, i am constantly worried that it is going to happen. i have the worst anxiety imaginable and honestly, i am scared to leave the house.
i tried to go to my anatomy class in simpsonville for the first time since the procedure. i made it there, sat for 5 minutes of it, it was a class on blood (of all things, that is one of my triggers) and i just couldn't do it. i had one of the worst panic attacks ive had. laid in my car for a while, and had to go home. since then, i haven't been driving. i've gone to my doctor who's prescribed me to an antianxiety medicine and im hoping that it helps. basically, im a nervous wreck, and the last thing i want to do is turn into a hermit that never leaves home.
i say all of this, not to throw a pity party for myself and have everyone feel sorry for me, but to explain how hard this is for me and reach out to you in search of prayers. i know so many of you who read my blog are dilligent in prayer and have very strong relationships with the Lord, and if you could keep me in your thoughts and prayers this week, it would be greatly appreciated. pray that God will take away the nervous feelings and the anxiety, and that my medicine would be effective and not hindering.
it's not easy for me to reach out for help. especially lately having to ask people to drive me around, taking me to the doctor, or to the pharmacy. having to get matt to do the grocery shopping. etc. im tired of having to rely on everyone else and most of the time, feel like im burdening them, asking so much. but i am trying to settle with the fact that they love me and they want to help, and i'd be doing the same thing for them if they were in my situation. thanks for you prayers this week!! ill update soon.
brittney
4 days ago
hey britt. kris and i will certainly lift you up this week. i want to encourage you that the Lord is sovereign over EVERYTHING - including illness, so you are not forgotten to Him. love you and will be praying for all of your requests. - whit
ReplyDeleteOh Brittney, I am so so so sorry you are going through this. I've never had any anxiety issues before, but when Scott deployed I all of a sudden became the most anxious person in the world. The anxiety got much worse after I had a couple of fainting episodes in the span of a month. I stopped going to eat in restaurants because my heart would start to race and I'd start feeling really sick to my stomach. I had to leave a couple of movies early for the same reasons. I eventually stopped trying to see movies in the theater because I never knew when it would induce a panic attack. Even driving down the road sometimes would cause me to have a panic attack. When I moved out to Killeen it seemed to get much worse before it got better. The city was full of people and there were more screaming kids than I have ever seen in my life. I got to where I couldn't go grocery shopping for a while... just riding over there in the car would induce an attack. I am so weird about medicines, so I was stubborn and didn't talk to anyone about it. It also embarrassed me to no end. I finally started to have a good day here and there and things have slowly improved. All of this to say I know some of things you are feeling and trying to work through right now. It is such a hard thing to have to work through because there are many out there that just don't understand. You are in my prayers and if you ever need to vent or cry or just talk about it... I'm here!
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