75 Songs you may not have heard before, but really need to!!

... in no particular order at all:

1. The War - Angels and Airwaves
2. Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
3. One Day More - Les Miserables
4. Real Love - Toby Lightman
5. Feel This - Bethany Joy Galeotti
6. Lightning Crashes - Live
7. Martyr - Rusted Root
8. Stranded - Plumb
9. Collie Man - Slightly Stoopid
10. Mannequin - Britney Spears
11. Defying Gravity - Wicked
12. When the Rain Comes - Third Day
13. Merry Christmas, Baby - Hanson
14. Butterfly - Jason Mraz
15. Mexico- Jump, Little Children
16. Underground - Ben Folds
17. Light Surrounding You - Evermore
18. Come Thou Fount of Ev'ry Blessing - David Crowder Band
19. Cliffs of Dover - Eric Johnson
20. Zombie - The Cranberries
21. All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
22. Playin' In The Creek - Silers Bald
23. Man Overboard - Blink 182
24. Soulmate - Natasha Beddingfeld
25. Small Town Kid - Eli Young Band
26. Sorry to a Friend - Edwin McCain
27. Decode - Paramore
28. I Don't Wanna Wait - Paula Cole
29. Monkeywrench - Foo Fighters
30. Don't Censor Me - Audio Adrenaline
31. Shooting Stars -Edwin McCain
32. The Captain - Kasey Chambers
33. Comfortable - John Mayer
34. That Girl - Lindsay Lohan
35. Your Mistake - Sister Hazel
36. The Beauty of Who You Are - Marc Broussard
37. Hey Girl - OAR
38. You Don't Know What Love Is - The White Stripes
39. How - Lisa Loeb
40. Repulsion - Matt Bolt
41. Hang On Sloopy - The Yardbirds
42. Cell Block Tango - Chicago (the musical)
43. Amsterdam - Guster
44. Yellow - Coldplay
45. The Sweater Song - Weezer
46. Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard and Marketa Iglova
47. Kate - Ben Folds Five
48. Assassin - John Mayer
49. Be Thou My Vision - Ginny Owens
50. Don't Stop Believin' - Glee Cast Version
51. Angel of Music - The Phantom of the Opera
52. Roslyn - Bon Iver
53. Claire de Lune- Debussy
54. From the Moment - Michael Warren
55. The Best Day - Taylor Swift
56. Regulators - Warren G feat. Nate Dogg
57. Overboard - Ingrid Michaelson
58. Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes - Paul Simon
59. Fool In The Rain - Led Zeppelin
60. Walking in Place - Perpetual Groove
61. Southern Girl - Amos Lee
62. Look After You - The Fray
63. Paperweight - Joshua Radin & Schyuler Fisk
64. Can't Stop - Mozella
65. Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons
66. You Are the Best Thing - Ray LaMontagne
67. La Vie Boheme - Rent The Musical
68. Gravity - Sara Bareilles
69. Seabreeze - Tyrone Wells
70. Romeo and Juliet - Edwin McCain
71. Ruby - Kaiser Chefs
72. Amsterdam - Guster
73. Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell
74. Good Life - One Republic
75. They Weren't There - Missy Higgins

It's so convenient to listen on grooveshark.com ... if you haven't been to that website before, it is so awesome! you can listen to pretty much any song, any time and it's free, not downloading, just live streaming, like live radio. matt listens while he's working and it was so funny the other day he searched for himself on there and someone put some of his songs from an album they made in high school on there!! check him out! :)

dreams..

well, last night i dreamed that i was at the jcrew outlet in destin. i had all of these wonderful swimsuits and cute dresses, and sandals, and shirts for matt... the list goes on. and it was hot and humid... curly hair... salt in the air......crab legs in my belly.. sigh.

im typically a winter girl. when it gets hot outside, i cant WAIT for fall weather and sweatshirts. but after this cold, cooped-up-in-the-house winter. i am so ready for the beach!!! not necessarily for the greenville humidity to cause me to breathe in thick, water-saturated air when i get in my car after being in the grocery store for 10 freakin minutes ... or sticking to the leather in dad's convertible... or sweating to death just walking out to get mail from the mailbox. but THE BEACH! i may even be so lucky as to go twice this summer. once with matt and once for my cousins bachelorette weekend. i really hope that's the case. and if it is... these are JUST A FEW of the things i wish to purchase for my trips :)

my quote for the week...

Dont let fear keep you from living abundantly in Christ or steal your joy! When we trust God, we have the confidence to face problems as they come rather than sit & anticipate them.

valentine's day

we had a good weekend. thursday night i cooked matt a very "matt" dish. i made Penne with Chicken and Bacon in a Creamy Pepper Jack Sauce. It was so good!! I thought I probably wouldn't really like the "spiciness" of it but it really wasn't too bad, just a kick! Also, I don't know why, I guess maybe it goes along with the anxiety I've had lately, but I haven't been a very good eater or had a good appetite for a while. I can't eat chicken?? It's so weird. I feel like its a quirk you'd get during pregnancy or something but for some reason, the three times lately I've tried to just try a BITE of it, I get so weak and woozy. Also, I've never really liked/eaten bacon. So any vegetarians out there, you can eat that dish too, I just left the chicken and bacon off my plate and put it all on Matt's. :)

Anyway, we did that Thursday night bc we thought we had plans with my brother and his gf friday night but then it snowed. That was ok with me though, the snow was so beautiful coming down! I went out and just stood in it several times and just tried to take in the calmness and serenity of it all. It was a good feeling just to stand outside and breathe. This is how our house looked in the snow..
Anyway, we had a fun night Friday, watching the snow come down and the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. Saturday we relaxed and then I decided I may be alright to make it to dinner and a movie. I haven't really left the house except just riding in the car with matt when he goes somewhere on a quick errand, but haven't really gotten out of the car. So as you can imagine, when we got to the restaurant I got really nervous to go in and just tried to think about other things. Like how Matt was so sweet to take me to Monterrey's. A lot of people wouldn't be so thrilled to eat at Monterrey's for their "Valentine's Dinner" but i was ecstatic! :) See, in college, I prrrrrobably went to Monterrey's about 4 out of 7 nights a week. I am not kidding. at all. And matt just loved me soooo much that he would always go with me, and never TELL ME that he was SO SICK of it and REALLY wanted to go somewhere else. So, for about the past year and a half he never has the appetite for mexican food, poor thing got so sick of it, so I dont get the treat of going with him to eat mexican lately. I told him to just pick where we were going, and he drove there! :) It was very good!! Then we went to go see Valentine's Day. It was SO cute!!! We both really liked it. Several times, once at the beginning, we were SO close to leaving (bc I was feeling so terrible, anxietywise). I even had my coat on and purse in hand, but I kept making myself just stick it out and stay. It was hard, but I got through it and was really proud of myself when it was over. I had made it. My first successful "leaving the house" event in about 2 weeks..and I made it through dinner AND a movie.

Not surprisingly, that took just about all my energy and today was a really crappy day. I didn't feel well at all. It was alright though, because at the end of the day, I got a wonderful Valentine's surprise. Matt wrote a song for me and recorded it onto a CD. It was so sweet! I am going to get him to try to upload it to the blog so you all can hear! :) Hope everyone else had a special weekend with their sweeties! <3 now... let's get ready for spring!!

prayer

hey everyone. first, i just want to thank you all for your sweet concern and comments checking in to see if im ok. originally, we thought that once i had these tests done, i could rest assured in knowing what was wrong with me, that i was going to be ok, and could move on with everyday life. it has been quite the opposite these past couple of weeks. it turns out, that now that i know what is wrong, and that i can pass out so quickly without warning, i am constantly worried that it is going to happen. i have the worst anxiety imaginable and honestly, i am scared to leave the house.

i tried to go to my anatomy class in simpsonville for the first time since the procedure. i made it there, sat for 5 minutes of it, it was a class on blood (of all things, that is one of my triggers) and i just couldn't do it. i had one of the worst panic attacks ive had. laid in my car for a while, and had to go home. since then, i haven't been driving. i've gone to my doctor who's prescribed me to an antianxiety medicine and im hoping that it helps. basically, im a nervous wreck, and the last thing i want to do is turn into a hermit that never leaves home.

i say all of this, not to throw a pity party for myself and have everyone feel sorry for me, but to explain how hard this is for me and reach out to you in search of prayers. i know so many of you who read my blog are dilligent in prayer and have very strong relationships with the Lord, and if you could keep me in your thoughts and prayers this week, it would be greatly appreciated. pray that God will take away the nervous feelings and the anxiety, and that my medicine would be effective and not hindering.

it's not easy for me to reach out for help. especially lately having to ask people to drive me around, taking me to the doctor, or to the pharmacy. having to get matt to do the grocery shopping. etc. im tired of having to rely on everyone else and most of the time, feel like im burdening them, asking so much. but i am trying to settle with the fact that they love me and they want to help, and i'd be doing the same thing for them if they were in my situation. thanks for you prayers this week!! ill update soon.

brittney

problem solved. hopefully. :)

im back!! this is going to be a long post but more than anything i want to have it for my own records so i can remember all the facts one day when i get old and forgetful :)

we got to rome, ga thursday to talk to the doctor about everything. i was kind of nervous but not so bad until the doctor said "i can best describe the procedure as a time where we're just going to torture your heart until it tells us whats wrong. you're not going to like it, no one does. it may feel really bad, as we can get your heart rate up to 275 beats per minute. its very unnatural feeling." alright. so after describing as torture not once but THREE different times during the convo i couldnt help but be a little bit uneasy. (for those of you who saw the pic matt put on FB, that was right after the doctor left, haha) so he also said that while i was there he was going to do another test called a tilt table test. to check for something called Neurocardiogenic Syncope (or Vasovagal syncope... aka... faiting, ha) the big words just basically describe the reason the loss of consciousness occurs. SO . now i was scheduled for 2 (possibly 3) procedures.

got there friday. nerves. of course, they couldnt draw blood from the original IV they put in so i had to get stuck again in the other arm. and was whisked off, WITHOUT the Xanax i was promised, to the tilt table test. i kept saying to the guy, "im sorry if i throw up, i usually throw up when i pass out. im sorry if i pass out" i was really just nervous bc this wasnt the first time i heard about the tilt test. they've "almost" scheduled it several times before, but havent.

the tilt table test is a really simple thing. they lay you on a table (imagine like a stretcher-type thing) only with a platform thing at the bottom so that when they raise you up, to the standing position, you will have something to stand on .... so you lay flat, they strap you in around your legs, waist, and chest. and then slowly just raise up the table until you're in the standing position. then you just wait!! i was standng there just talking to the nurse. asking all kinds of questions. "why cant they just tell you stand here, why strap to a table and raise you up, etc etc." answer: bc if you pass out you are strapped in and we can watch your vital signs as it happens and not be worrying about lying you down, etc. another ? "how many people pass out usually?" answer: i'd say about 1 in 20. not very many, most people test negative. so anyways. they have you stand for 20 minutes. and if you dont lose consciousness, they give you some medicine in your IV that increases your heart rate. they do that bc they are really trying to induce the syncope. If you have Vasovagal syncope.. most people dont pass out in just a normal standing situation, they are in a stressful situation or smething causes their heart rate to increase, thus causing the fainting. So they give you medicine to try to induce that, and if you STILL dont pass out, then you are negative for the condition.

ALRIGHT so what happened to me was i was talking to the nurse about anything and everything. her cows. the cute doctor they worked with and all had a crush on. how she likes her job..etc. then i guess she noticed something on the screen and said "does your heart usually race when youre about to pass out?" and i said "no. i just usually feel like....." (i was about to say, kind of nauseas, dizzy, woozy) but before i could finishing i said "...i this... oh gahh. i can't see." i could still here her but couldnt see at all and felt awful i remember her responding "you can't see?" next thing i know i was dreaming away, felt like id been laying in my own bed having a nice dream and then woke up to see the nurses, looking frantic as ever looking down on me and both said "she's back!!!!!" like they were so relieved! i was confused at first but immediately realized what had happened. and was soaking wet with sweat *ugh. then they were making all these calls and acting crazy and iwas like "how long was i out??" "she said "2 and 1/2 minutes. and you went asystolic for about 15 seconds." "asystolic?" "you had no heart beat." YIKES. "worst case i've ever seen anyways" she said. her her talking on the phone to my aunt (another nurse and the whole reason we went to GA for the procedures saying . "welp shes definitely positive. worst case ive seen, she went asystolic, nope havent really had one do that before." SO there's no cure for this and some people live with it and never have a spell for years... others who have a pretty bad case have hard time driving, grocery shopping, any normal, everyday errands you may run by yourself.. its nerveracking to know you may keel over at anytime. what they have prescribed me is a medicine called Midodrine. it raises blood pressure. to read more about vasovagal, this website describes it so well ... http://heartdisease.about.com/cs/arrhythmias/a/Syncope3_2.htm

so all of that... wasn't even supposed to happen, considering we didnt know i was even having that test when we left for GA. now onto the REASON we went ..

got to the EP lab. it was SO COLD . and the nurse had to put 3 catheters into my right leg and one in my left. talk about OUCH ! !! once i was past the pain in my leg... even weirder was that i could feel them snaking up to my heart. i will never be able to describle the way it felt but i would guess it most closely resembled worms crawling up my veins. it was SO weird. NOT COMFORTABLE> and once they were in my heart it was even more strange. then they started working. there isnt even anyone really "table-side" as the procedure is going on. i could see 5 big flatscreens ... some showing the catheters inside me... some showing a heart wave/rhythm thing. i watched that the whole time to keep my mind off of it . i could see the doctor but he was positioned behind some glass windows and sitting at a whole control panel of buttons and screens (looked like a recording studio). he "tortured" my heart for 45 minutes. reaching a heart rate of about 260 beats a minute... i kid you not, my heart was beating so hard, the entire table was shaking. it was not a nice feeling but anytime i would start moaning or being like "ahhhhh" he would say "thats me doing that!" then slow it down. so i realized he was definitely in control of it. the good news was... they found nothing to ablate. nothing to burn/kill. they said there was a little bit of "goofiness" going on there, strange bc, on its own, my heart rate would go anywhere from 50 up to 110 back down to 90 back up to 120. just all over the place. for that, he has prescribed me to a really low dose beta blocker. its kind of experimental, as naturally it would counteract the Midodrine (midodrine increases blood pressure and beta blockers lower it). we're going to see how they work out together and if they dont agree with each other, we'll drop the beta blocker.

so after all that. i had to lay flat for 2 HOURS and then be monitored for a third hour after that. i had to go to the bathroom (#1) SO SO SO bad and i absolutely could not make myself go in the bed pan. i tried really hard but i couldnt. so i had to get a catheter...which may have been worse than the groin caths. haha. ouch. but it was a great relief :) then we went on to my nanny's who lives about 30 min away and had a nice relaxing weekend. drove home today in HORRIBLE storm. was awful. matt's been so great! even blow drying and straightening my hair the night after everything and i didnt feel so good. and then drove back from rome today in the horrible weather. im so lucky!

finally, with the medicine im taking (midodrine) it works best if you are active, exercising, etc. bc it raises blood pressure and wouldnt be too healthy to lay around with a high bp. :) so matt and i are going to look at Sportsclub later this week. we've been wanting to join anyway bc matt wants to start swimming again. im also encouraged to ween out the ambien im dependent on. im confident i can do it, but i would love some prayers for that. its going to be hard. quite a lifestyle change. one strange instruction is to increase my salt intake and drink 2 quarts of water a day. (water follows salt. and the more water you have in your blood stream, the thicker the concentration, the higher your bp). funny, most people supposed to decrease salt intake :) alright. i think i wrote enough. ill have a great "journal entry" to look back on now. maybe ill even look back one day and think "haha! i cant believe i didnt exercise before that!" ... i could *maybe* survive a "health nut" lifestyle ... gonna try anyways.

thanks everyone so much for your concerns and sweet comments and prayers! it means so much to me!!! keep you updated and hopefully blog about less serious things later!!

-b

heart stuff..

hey blogworld. just wanted to let you all know I am having my surgery/procedure on Friday morning in Rome, GA. We are leaving tomorrow morning for the pre-op at the Dr.'s office then staying with my aunt the night before. The procedure can take anywhere from 3 to 6hrs. and then I'll be in recovery for just a bit then should be able to go home. (we are staying at my nanny's house until sunday) she lives about 30 min away from Rome.

getting a bit nervous about having to be awake for the first part of it, but so excited for the chance that this could all be over! i haven't been feeling really well at all lately. this should solve the problem.

love everyone and thanks for your concerns and prayers!! will keep you posted afterwards!

britt